In Defense of Iowa (Huh? Really?)

I'm from Iowa. I wouldn't say I typed that sentence proudly, but I also didn't type it in shame. My relationship with the Hawkeye (or, rather, Cyclone) State is much like that of siblings. When I was growing up and I had to see it and put up with its shit every day, I hated it -- I wished I had a whole new state, and I wished it was never accepted into the Union. But then I left, fled to New York -- and I gained a little perspective, which came with a newfound soft spot for Iowa (although it pales in comparison to my love/lust for my adopted home). All I needed to appreciate it was a little distance. Sure, I still mock it (I have a shirt that says "Come to Iowa and lose your will to live" that I wear proudly) -- after all, it has a lot of flaws. But it's OK when I do it, because it's my state. When someone else does it, though, I feel a slight tinge of anger. And that's why this article in the New York Daily News (All the News That's Fit to Print, but Then Be Retracted Later Because of Irresponsible Reporting and Factual Errors) kinda pissed me off. 

Iowa senator Chuck Grassley recently said that Rudy Giuliani's presidential bid may have come crashing down around him in a giant ball of flaming shit because of his "New York personality" and not, ya know, because he's a power-hungry, vindictive, opportunistic lunatic. "The New York lifestyle hasn't gone over [in] some places," he said. "It seemed like the more people that got acquainted with him, the less they liked him."

These comments seem off-base, if not altogether untrue. But two out of the three statements are at least partially accurate.

1. It's Rudy's "New York" personality that got him in trouble. Wrong. There is no "New York personality." Or, more accurately, there are 9 million New York personalities. What got Rudy in trouble is his own personality: that of a smug, vile ass.
2. "The New York lifestyle hasn't gone over [in] some places." This is kind of true. It's not the "New York lifestyle" that hasn't gone over so well, but the perception of that lifestyle by people who haven't experienced it. The perception among a lot of people who don't live here or in many cases have never been here, is that everyone in New York is the stereotypical city slicker: the smooth-talking, pretentious, self-absorbed power player who looks down his nose at everyone. At our worst, they think, we're Gordon Gekko. At our best, we're Mr. Big. So, in a way, Grassley is right: the New York lifestyle doesn't go over very well in a lot of places (including Iowa). The problem is, however, that many of the people in these places have no idea (or an idea very skewed and tainted by pop culture) what the New York lifestyle actually is. Trust me -- I spent 22 years in Iowa surrounded by this line of reasoning.
3. "It seemed like the more people that got acquainted with him, the less they liked him." There is no way this statement cannot be true and, therefore, I will not hold this against Grassley. If anyone likes Giuliani more after finding out more about him, there is something seriously wrong with that person.

I won't get into the quite extensive and scathing remarks in the Comments sections from the Daily News's obviously intelligent, well-read, well-traveled readership, but I will address two points made on the second page. The first is from Curtis Sliwa, a native New Yorker and community activist of sorts. "What does he know?" he says. "There are more pigs than people [in Iowa]." There are more rats than people in New York, Curtis. That doesn't diminish your knowledge, just as the amount of bacon in Iowa doesn't decrease Iowan's knowledge. It just makes them fatter.

The second point: "Quintessential New Yorker Jimmy Breslin...dismissed Grassley as 'another one of those low-IQ loudmouths.' 'Grassley is a moron,' he growled. 'I don't believe it. There's an awful lot of people here. Millions and millions. Classify them? You can't. You just live with them and shut up. Calling names? It's childish.'" Let me repeat that last part: "Calling names? It's childish." But...you...umm...Jimmy...you...you just called him "a low-IQ loudmouth" and a "moron."

I'll give Breslin the benefit of the doubt since he won a Pulitzer and David Berkowitz addressed the Son of Sam letters to him (that's just cool). But the point is, there are idiots everywhere. It's not exclusive to Iowa, or New York, or Washington D.C. or anywhere else. They. Are. Everywhere.